Reject That You Are Powerless

 "One thing I could never accept about being an alcoholic, was the idea that I was powerless over my behavior. In my head, it certainly seemed to be true. I had been a drunk for many years and had suffered horribly because of it.

But once I finally realized how powerless I felt in my heart, I decided there was no way in hell I was going to stay there.

I think we all know the feelings of being scared and powerless, but it's something we usually try to avoid. Rather than just sitting with the feelings and trying to understand them. When it comes right down to it, how do you think a person feels about being an alcoholic? Or an addict? Or a compulsive gambler? How does it actually feel, knowing you can't even control your own behavior?

I can't speak for anybody else, but I know how it made me feel. It made me feel like a loser for an awfully long time. Fortunately, I was still pretty flexible in my thinking. And somewhere I had learned that 'A loser isn't someone who falls down. A loser is someone who stays down.'

Of those two options, defining myself as an alcoholic, or expanding my awareness, it was pretty clear which would serve me better. I could see the downside, as well as the upside, to defining myself as powerless.

I decided it wasn't for me. Always living in fear. Always in recovery. But never actually in control. And never fully recovered. Simply because of the words I was using to define myself. At the time, my exact thoughts were: 'Admit you have a problem, but reject that you are powerless. As long as you can think, you have the power to make a choice.'

Of course back then I still couldn't see what my choices were. Couldn't see I had any other options, because I was too busy defending my own limited point of view. Took awhile to figure out, but eventually I realized that if I wanted to change my behavior, then I would have to change my beliefs. Otherwise, I knew I'd become as dependant on coffee, cigarettes and A.A. meetings, as I had been on getting drunk."


From the book: Set Yourself Free - The Guide for Drunks, Smokers, Addicts & Millionaires
by Michael Highstead, Founder of Habit Busters

The Reason People Relapse

Here is one big reason why so many people fail to control their behavior, or never seem to get what they truly want: You can't hold "not doing something" as a reliable target. That's because your mind needs a subject to focus on.

This means that the very act of trying NOT to focus on something, brings that thing into your field of thought. For example, when I say "Don't think of a green tomato", what do you immediately think of? A green tomato. In other words, focusing on what you don't want, gives you no way of putting the problem behind you. Similarly, when someone says "I don't want to drink anymore", or even "I need to stop drinking", what is the subject they are actually focused on? "Drinking".

This is one reason why so many alcoholics are always in recovery, but never fully recovered. Drinking is always on their mind. They haven't learned how to move past it.
 
Whenever you say what you don't want, for example, I don't want to smoke, I don't want to drink, I don't want to feel bad...it's kind of like going into a grocery store with a shopping list of all the things you don't want to buy: "I don't want bread. I don't want milk. I don't want butter..."

With such a list, you could spend all your time in the store trying to avoid certain items, without ever actually getting the things you really need! You've got to do better than that. It's not enough to keep on counting the days you have managed to avoid a certain behavior.

Now there is something you must figure out, before you can truly set yourself free. You must determine the unmet needs that are driving your behavior. Start here: What do you think are some of the benefits of drinking? In other words, what are some of the good feelings you get when are doing it? How does it make you feel on the upside?

Simply by acknowledging the benefit of your actions, you gain perspective on what you really want. And by thinking about what you want, as opposed to whatever you are trying to avoid, it effectively shifts your focus, and immediately points you in a better direction.

Having a clear picture of what you actually want to feel or accomplish, puts you in a far better position to assess your options for getting there. So it's great that you have decided it is time to deal with your drinking problem. Now you must figure out what "dealing with it" actually looks like to you.

Eventually, you have to have a way of knowing the job is finally done, otherwise you are in for a never-ending battle. If you don't have a clear picture of what success in this area actually means to you, then how can you possibly achieve it? How can you come up with an effective strategy to get somewhere, when you haven't even decided where you truly want to be?

Now is the time to be really flexible in your approach, and start asking yourself better questions. For example:"How will I be certain that I'll never have to worry about another relapse?" Or "How will I know when I have dealt with this problem once and for all?

Do you want to change your life? Or do you want to improve it?


If you want to change your life, there are plenty of methods out there. There are many products you can buy to immediately change the way you feel, and many organizations eager to change the way you think. Often for no better reason than to gain more comfort or security for themselves.

But if you want to improve your life, you must learn to be responsible for your own health, wealth and happiness. If you're not sure how to do that, start here.

Personal response-ability means the ability to respond. It is the ability to see various points of view, to decide what serves your purpose, and take effective action. It means having the confidence to make a decision, and the maturity to see the consequences of your decision, before they actually occur.

This way, you can move forward with certainty. Instead of feeling stuck or trapped. Be very careful about the meaning that you give to things. Remember it's your beliefs that are driving your behavior.

Of course, there is always a choice about who and what to believe. By unconsciously buying what other people are preaching, in effect giving up your own personal response-ability, you could easily be drawn into all kinds of fantasies. You could spend the rest of your days going in and out of rehab, attending anonymous support groups, or even praying for salvation. You could do that for the rest of your life believing you have found the answer, without ever choosing to face one real and sobering question.

A question like: "How will you know when you have fully recovered?"